Recently, I spoke to a woman who had just lost her husband. While she missed her husband terribly, per his wishes that she not mourn too long, she was trying to move on. They had celebrated his life and she was feeling as much at peace as one can after losing the love of your life. She received what I would call an average life insurance payout. Not a huge sum of money, but enough to maintain her over the next 25 years. Her angst was caused by her brothers; she did not know what to do.
Next week she will be attending a family function and she knew they were going to ask her for money. Let me correct that: she knew they were going to pressure her because now she was “rich.” Her brothers have made a lot a bad choices; drugs, drinking, not paying their bills on time, not able to hold a job, things we have all heard before. I tried to assure her that she did not have to address, or more importantly, take care of their problems. I told her that I know no one can push our buttons better than our siblings, but she had to be strong.
She was not responsibly for how they had lived their lives and the choices they had made to get them into the positions they are in – she needed to let them know that their comments were rude and hurtful. It was time for her to be selfish. Selfishness in this situation would be her only salvation to assure that she could financially maintain her lifestyle.
We want to help our families, but if we do not take care of ourselves, we cannot help anyone.

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